Lex, Briefly

Lex Friedman blogs here. He also attempts to score a gig writing for Late Night TV at HireMeJimmyFallon.com.
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I live in Marlboro, New Jersey with my wife (Lauren) and our two daughters, Anya and Sierra. We also have a wild beast that enjoys ripping apart tissues he finds in the trash; his name is Charlie.

I own and thoroughly enjoy a variety of electronic products that make my life better; these are made by Apple, TiVo, and Nintendo.

My former blog chronicled 7+ years of my life, from September 2001 to January 2009. The nostalgic or unspeakably curious can visit The Lex Files. I also Twitter.

Contact the author by emailing my first initial ("L") at thefriedmans dot net. Note that I am comfortable with my penis size and have no intentions of claiming my Nigerian inheritance.
Mon Feb 1

Final season of Lost: Predictions and thoughts

Hey, that almost rhymes!

I’ve been a fan of Lost since the beginning, but seasons 2 through 4 paled for me a bit. Season 5, with its audacious and explicit use of time travel really harkened backs to the show’s earliest roots, leaping past the hemming and hawing of the middle section. (“Look — Tailies! Look, we killed them all off, so that whole sojourn was a waste of screen time!”)

I still liked and like Lost, but I think the show would have done better on the whole over three seasons, maybe four. Even die-hards must be able to find some of the filler when you look back over the episode history.

All that out of the way, some predictions for the final season. Fair and final warning: I have read a few spoilers for the season; once Lost started taking more time than I felt appropriate to reveal its secrets, I welcomed the Internet’s spoilers as a way to shorten the painfully long wait between plot developments.

The season opens with Juliet detonating the Jughead, and then we flash to Jack on Flight 815, seemingly with some memory of what he’s just lived through, but not necessarily. And then, after some turbulence — nothing happens. The flight continues on, and Rose tells him, “We’re past it,” in a phrase loaded with meaning.

But there’s absolutely no way that the show can or would actually do a full-on do-over like this. Based on other previews I’ve read, I think we’ll live not just in multiple timelines this season, but parallel ones. I think we’ll see survivors on the island battling the same battles they always, have, and I think we’ll seeing living lives, weirdly, uncomfortably, in the parallel world where nothing ever happened.

Separately, we should remember that now that time travel is in the mix, we have no idea whether we’re seeing the survivors’ lives through the first five seasons for the first time. That is, it could be that the parallel, no-crash lives they lead pre-date what we’ve seen, and instead follow an early crash-island-nightmare timeline that went worse, when they first tried to get a universal redo.

Final predictions: We’ll get no great resolution about why they’re all connected pre-flight, other than a spiritual one. We’ll get no great explanation for the numbers, for the on-island visions (Kate’s horse), or why exactly the sky went purple. We’ll get some answers, of course, and some will satisfy, and many won’t, and I’ll leave moderately satisfied and moderately disappointed.

I can handle that.

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Sat Jan 16

About That Apple Tablet

I know nothing about the iTablet, the iSlate, the iScreen, or whatever machine Apple may or may not be releasing towards the end of this month. But enough Apple pundits are making predictions about the potential forthcoming non-laptop, non-iPhone that someone’s bound to be right, so here are my thoughts:

1. I think the device itself will cost in the $600 range. Add in optional Bluetooth (or similar) keyboard accessory, Bluetooth (or similar) pointer device (mouse? trackpad? something?), and optional always-on Internet, and you get to the $999 range.

2. Obviously, it’ll be multi-touch. I suspect it will be able to orient its screen in all four directions. I imagine it will include a fold-out stand of some sort, very elegantly integrated, to prop it up on a table (instead of needing to lie flat).

3. I go back and forth on whether iPhone apps will run at iPhone-screen size. How would you type in an iPhone-sized app on a 10” screen? Would the device need to triggers its full-size on-screen keyboard? Or require that you tap awkwardly at a mini-keyboard on such a large device? Either way, I suspect making iPhone apps run full-screen on the tablet, or at least “larger than normal,” will be not-overly-painful for developers. That is, once they solve their resolution issues (no small challenge), the rest will be easy.

4. Ports. None? The iPhone isn’t really “meant” to be used while charging; it doesn’t have a long AC adapter like a MacBook Pro. I predict the iThing will take a similar approach: Short charging cord, meant to be used from battery exclusively. And no, you can’t replace the battery yourself. If other ports are present, I’m thinking they’ll be MacBook Air-style, but I wouldn’t be surprised if the device sported no USB at all.

5. Besides the optional external keyboard on the virtual one, I imagine transcription will be included out of the box.

We’ll see. I hope it’s awesome, whatever it is, and I really expect to own one.

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Sun Jan 10

Choices

I’ve been alive for just shy of thirty years. When I think back to isolated memories — from childhood, how I prepped with a glass of water before singing a too-high solo in Fiddler on the Roof, standing in a tunnel on the day I graduated from Brandeis, my wedding day, our first apartment in LA, our first condo in LA, the births of our daughters — everything seems like ages ago.

But at the same time, the old folks weren’t lying. Time goes pretty damn fast.

The biggest change I’d like to make in my life is eating more vegetables and fewer desserts. But the second-biggest change I’d love to make is finding it easier and less stressful to make decisions about what the hell I want to do with my free time.

I’d love to blog regularly. I’d love to build a variety of websites. I’d love to write a few longer things I’ve been kicking around. I’d love to continue work on my “custom self-written/recorded ringtone for everyone in my iPhone” project that I’ve been meaning to tell you about. At night, there are shows and movies I want to watch, Wii (and board) games I want to play, books I want to read… It’s a nightly Sophie’s Choice. I think. I’ve not yet decided to take a night to watch the movie. Or read the book. Is it available for the Kindle?

On the plus side, there’s some stuff I’m doing well. I’m writing tons for Macworld, nearly finished with the book, loving my family, and doing what I think is pretty solid work at the day job to boot.

The only thing I’m lacking for is more free time to do with as I choose. I guess that when my kids are all grown — now, we’re talking 20ish years from today — I might find a little more free time since I won’t have any wee ones to care for. But I doubt that kind of change alone is enough to shift one’s perspective from “there’s so much to do and I can’t pick which to focus on right now.” I think that kind of change has to come from within.

I don’t know how exactly to refocus that within myself, and I suspect that some of it is just who I am and I’ll never be able to change it. But I’m sure that I can do better than I’m doing.

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Sat Oct 24

I thought you and Google should know…

… that I recently built web sites for Joshua Kohl, Sarah Asmar, Timothy Oliver, and Sara Gartland. All are opera singers, and all are fabulous.

But really, I just want to make sure their sites get indexed well by our dear friends at the Goog.

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Thu Sep 17

Free Nair Tomorrow, a parody of “Hey There Delilah”

Women love the song “Hey There Delilah.” Whether it’s the singers acknowledged vocal flaws, his overly-earnest lyrics, or the romantic greeting “hey there,” ladies just love it.

Listen via YouTube.

For some reason, the song always, always, always has made me think of Nair.

Hence: Free Nair Tomorrow.

Oh, and my emulation of the original’s vocal pitch issues is 100% intentional. That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it.

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Thu Sep 10

Emotional outbursts

jimray:

[I recently lamented that I wouldn’t see a transcript of Joe Wilson’s attempted mea culpa to President Obama after calling him a liar as the president addressed a joint session of congress. As luck would have it, a friend who works the late shift on the White House switchboard just sent me this.]

“Yeah. It’s Rahm.”

“Oh, I’m, I’m so sorry, I think the switchboard connected me to the wrong office. I’m trying to reach the president? I’m sorry.”

“Nope, you got switched through just fine. The president isn’t available just now, what can I do for you, Joe.”

“I’m sorry? How did … how did you know … Listen, Rahm, I’m sure you’re busy, I can just… I’m sorry. I can call back later.”

“Joey, listen, buddy, you’re calling for a reason, I’m here, let’s talk. What’s on your mind?”

“Rahm, I’m sorry, I don’t want to bother you, I was just calling to talk to, you know, the president. I wanted to, just, formally. Well, you know, talk about what happened … you know. Earlier tonight. And, nothing personal or anything, Rahm, I’m really just looking to talk to the president, personally, about this. I don’t want to involve his staff, I know you guys are busy and all. Is the president, ah, available?”

“You know, Joe, President Obama prefers to unwind with his girls after a night like tonight. He doesn’t like getting too stressed, and his girls, they help the man relax. To see what’s really important. But, like I said, I’m here. You can talk to me about anything you have to talk with president about.”

“Rahm, see, the thing is, I really just wanted to let the president … President Obama … know that … it’s, just, honestly, Rahm, I’m trying to do right and I think, maybe, they handed me off to you so you could let me, uh, have it … and really, I’m trying to do the right thing. Emotions, you know? They can get the best you, sometimes.”

“Joey, are you kidding me? Are you talking to me about emotions? Seriously, pal, I know just what you’re talking about. In the heat of the moment, surrounded by colleagues, under the glare of the cameras, yeah, sometimes, emotions get the better of you. I know all about that! You ever hear about the time I sent the dead fish … it’s not important. What’s important is this call. So, tell me, Joey, what’s up?”

“Oh, man, thanks, Rahm. I really appreciate it. Honestly. I just heard all these stories about you — ‘Rahmbo’ and all that — and, we’ve never really met, except for that time. Maybe you remember? In the men’s room at the inauguration? I handed you a towel, you gave me a tip? I knew that red cummerbund was a bad idea. Anyway, I just want to personally apologize, to the president, of course, for my emotional outburst. I let my emotions, you know, get the better of me, while the president was talking about the illegals getting free healthcare. And I still, you know, respectfully, of course, disagree, but I regret my inappropriate comments. I sincerely apologize to the president for my uncivil tone. My lack of civility. And my tone.”

“Joey, I can’t tell you what a relief that is for us here at the White House. I thought Gibbs was seriously going to lose it. I know I’ve got the reputation for a short fuse but that guy? I thought we were going to have to alert congressional security tomorrow.

I will personally relay your message to the president as soon as I can. Not tonight, of course, he’s with his girls, but it will be at the top of my list tomorrow morning. As if you’d delivered it yourself, in person.”

“Wow, Rahm, seriously? That’s great, I can’t tell you what a relief that is to hear. I’m just thrilled as all get out. And please tell the president I’m available for a follow up call if he’d like to discuss further matters, related to this, or any others. Heck, Rahm, I’ve even got a few ideas of my own I’d love to run by you guys some time.”

“Sure thing, Joe. Oh, and Joey. One last thing.”

“Yeah, sure, Rahm. What is it? Anything you need, bud.”

“If you ever — and I mean ever — pull some of that winger townhall shit again, I will fucking fuck you my fucking self. And I’m not talking the sweet, boring ass missionary shit you’re used to down in po-whereverthefuck-dunk your hillbilly, hick ass is from, I’m talking straight up prison raped by a fucking gang of twenty-to-lifers. My uncircumcised member of congress complete with presidential seal will be the last fucking thing you remember before being permanently incapacitated and made even more meaningless than you already are, you lying sack of dogshit.”

[POTUS, background]

“Hey, Rahmbo, who’s on the phone?”

[Muffled]

“Just business, boss. Speech recap in two?”

“Anyhow, thanks for calling, the president looks forward to working with you.”

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Tue Sep 1

I Love a Parade

As you may know, I write reviews of iPhone apps for Macworld.

Roger Ebert probably doesn’t clip every ad that quotes his reviews. But for me, it’s pretty rare. Here’s a full-page ad from Parade Magazine for Numbrix:

Hosted by imgur.com

That “An engaging puzzler…” line close-up:

Hosted by imgur.com

Pretty cool! And since Numbrix really is a great app, I’m delighted to be cited.

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Tue Aug 4

Health-Care is fine just as it is!

I had cancer a few years ago. I like the fact that if I lose my job, I won’t be able to get any insurance because of my illness. It reminds me of my homeowners’ insurance, which gets canceled after a break-in. I like the choice I’d face if, God forbid, the cancer recurs—sell my house to pay for the hundreds of thousands of dollars in treatment, or die. That’s what you call a “post-existing condition.”

Jonathan Alter in Newsweek nails it.

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Wed Jul 15

Wallet Tip

Want your wallet returned if you leave it somewhere?

Put a baby picture in it.

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Mon Jul 13

Practice Balance to Fix Your Feet

How to Fix Bad Ankles

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Tue Jun 30

The most dangerous person in the world…

… is truly frightening. Terrorists aren’t.

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Sun Jun 28

Man, language is cool

I liked this article so much, I read it twice.

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Thu Jun 25

The Snuggie Sutra

A friend of mine who wishes to remain anonymous, and whom I’ll thus refer to merely as “Ted Light,” had the idea. A friend of his did the artwork. And I, of course, worked the technical magic.

The result: The Snuggie Sutra. It’s the Kama Sutra, but with Snuggies.

It’s NSFW, if your boss is a jerk who hates drawings of blanket-clad lovers.

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Tue Jun 23

The Girl Who Doesn’t Age

Wow. This is creepy.

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Mon Jun 22

I Got ‘Bent

If you look very closely, you can see my new recumbent trike:

Anya (and Dora) like it too:

Action shot:

I’ve ridden 20+ miles in my first week on the trike. That’s after 28 years of riding a grand total of 0 miles on a bike.

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